sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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