Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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