I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
