I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
