He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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