You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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