I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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