I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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