1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
