He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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