I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
