Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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