I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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