..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
