We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
