just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
