please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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