you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
