Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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