bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
