I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ugly people sure do ruin things
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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