Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
