Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
