dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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