i barfeds in our rink
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
