Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
