We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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