it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
