Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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