these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
