he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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