Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
