It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
