Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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