remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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