Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
