Sponge bath it is.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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