Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am naked and annoyed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
