ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
