Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
