the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
