I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
