A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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