Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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