Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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