at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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