So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
