yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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