I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
