Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
