dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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