i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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