Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
