my sisters under your porch take her home
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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