we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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