Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
