Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
