my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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