Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish my penis had a tongue
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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