I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
